Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
