She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
