Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
