You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
