Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
