He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
