rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
