I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize