My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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