Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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