WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
