My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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