I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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