I just made out with a guy for $7.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize