In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
