New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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