the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
how drunk are you?
Several
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
