I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
People in love make me want to vomit
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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