One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
