They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
