We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
