Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
