halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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