I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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