you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
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My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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