i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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