then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just found puke in my bra..
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
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I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?