i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame