I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been