Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.