I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.