I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
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i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.