this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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