I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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