I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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