omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
