She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
