It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
