I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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