I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
