I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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