OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
