C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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