I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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