You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
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