I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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