All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
