you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
