Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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