I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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