I wish I could teleport
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
