Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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