guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
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