discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
