Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
