capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
