I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
