I'm really into asian looking animals
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
