Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
